To Be or Not to Be....SILLY

I am by nature a very silly or quirky little girl. And cute. Or at least I've been told I am cute most of my 25 years on this planet. I've even been told 'I'm the cutest cute that ever cute'd'. Now you have to be cute in order for someone to come up with something that bizarre. I'm cute because at 25 I can still wear pig tails and pull it off. I'll probably be able to pull off wearing pigtails when I'm 50. That's not an easy feat, let me tell you. In fact i hardly know anyone over the age of 23 that can pull off pigtails. For a more sophisticated yet still way to cute look, I use the side ponytail. I have very straight blond hair, so it doesn't look like the 80's side ponytail don't worry. I'm cute in the way a toddler is cute when they pout about something they just can't seem to figure out. And I get excited like a 5 year old when they start really comprehending the world around them, and trust me I talk just as fast too, sometimes faster. However no matter how annoying it is to be called 'cute' lately, these are traits I have had my whole life. Not everyone has seen them because they never took the time to get to know me, and I wasn't often comfortable enough to relax enough to let my natural silliness out. Then especially in University it was the inability to relax that hindered me. Now as I've gotten older and started to find myself, I find myself being more openly silly. I buy crazy cool socks because I LOVE them. I joke around more often in front of strangers. Bring up topics like History and global change and come up with theories on why things are happening in the world in the same conversation I talk about crocheting or baking. I'm involved in the community and working on projects that will help effect social change. In all of these things, while a huge part of who I am and sort of made up of who i have always been, I was NOT like this just 4 years ago. Either I was not comfortable enough in my own skin or with the people around me, or I just spent my energy in other ways. Like on homework or theatre projects, which while cool, I'm not quite sure how much an impact they have had on society. They did however have an impact on me and have helped develop who i have become and will always be a very large part of my life. My disability and the drastic changes in my mobility have also had a huge impact on my life.
So now while I finally feel like I'm becoming a person I will be proud to be and proud of, I feel I have reached a sort of crossroads in my life. My natural silliness, sometimes referred to as 'cute' is starting to become a liability. It has started to overwhelm my appearance and my behavior. It is effecting my ability to be taken seriously. And now is the time I want to be taken seriously, because there is a certain amount of seriousness, intelligence and a lot of hard work involved in what I want to accomplish, and for that I need to be perceived as a serious, intelligent and hardworking person. Otherwise I won't get far because an advocate needs to be taken seriously, to a certain degree. I already have the social impressions people have about disabilities and blonds working against me, and inorder to counteract them I need to be extra convincing, and I'm not finding that to be that easy.
All of this begs the question: To Be or Not to Be Silly? If silliness if a part of my charm, it would be 'silly' to temper it so much that it ceases to exist, however I need to be able to show my intelligence and capability as well. Now the easy answer is just to learn when to behave composed and when to just be myself. Not an easy task. Not at all. I'm not cute like a 5 year old because I want to be, I just am. I'm extremely expressive and that part of me won't change. I can learn how to slow down my speech and spend more time listening to others instead of always adding in my two cents. However my mouth is having a hard time communicating with my brain these days. I feel like my brain went into overdrive after not being used as much as it should have been over the last three years when i was dealing with my health problems, and now I can't slow it down and because of that I can't even shut up. I've been told this is just a part of growing up and transitioning and that everyone goes through it. Though some how I feel like I have to go through it over and over again and I just never fully catch on to the concept. Maybe it's like cooking. I used to suck at cooking or at least I didn't enjoy it much, hence I never did it. However, over the years I've been forced to cook for myself and others and learned at times how to cook good food and what recipes I liked, and what was fun and what wasn't, then i would stop needing to cook for quite awhile and have to relearn all over again the next time i had to cook for others or throw a party. Now I am known as quite a good cook, and people look forward to eating my food more then going to eat out at a resturaunt and I even occasionally enjoy myself. :)
So I guess somethings take practise, lots and lots and lots of practise.